Amanda Collins is an author and public speaker on living creatively and dying well in the modern world.
She is currently available for conversations and presentations.
What’s the right thing to say to someone who is dying?
Introducing Amanda Collins - The Curious Creative
Amanda speaks
Whether it’s about dying well, or living creatively until you die, Amanda wants to talk about it with you. Give her a microphone and she’s happy. Give her an online forum and she can help you make a plan, for a creative life, a good death, and everything in between.
Not Dead Yet: the book
Not Dead Yet is a practical guide for the dying and the people who care for them. Given that we will all die (with apologies to those who didn’t know this already), it’s important that we plan a little, if we can. We don’t have to leave it all in the hands of modern medicine. We don’t have to accept the way it’s always been done. And we all deserve a good death. We truly do.
Useful resources
Need more information? Download these handy checklists,
the By My Bedside pdf , and check out Amanda’s recommendations for further reading.
“A must read. Amanda provides valuable information and support to help you and your loved ones navigate end of life.”
– Lissanne Oliver, author of bestseller SORTED!
FAQs
Someone I love is dying. How do I avoid saying the wrong thing?
First of all, listening is so important. Ask them how their day is going. Let the dying person lead the way. You can ask ‘Do you want to talk about it?’ You don’t have to have all the answers. If you hear that they need support, find a way to follow through with that support. But just maybe, they want time to talk about the world in general, their sporting team, their family, their pets. We all want to live, even as we are dying.
I’ve been told that I’m dying. What if I don’t know what I want?
You might have been told that you can make an Advance Care Directive, (outlining the medical processes and procedures you do or don’t want) but you don’t know what to put into it. It’s a very good idea to talk this through with your care team, but before then, have a think about ‘good’ deaths you might have seen. What happened that would help YOU feel more comfortable or in control? Even knowing what you don’t want can help formulate a workable Advance Care Directive.
I’m caring for someone who is dying and it’s all a big messy blur. Help!
First of all, make sure you are taking some time to care for yourself, so you can make the best decisions to care for your loved one. Also, keep a notebook, filled in daily, so you can remember what happened when. Make sure you have someone to talk things through with. And know that things change from hour to hour. You’re doing important, human work. Thank you.
I’m afraid I will upset my family.
Often our loved ones know (or suspect) more than we think they do. The sooner you can be upfront with your family, the sooner you and they can start making good use of the time you have left with them. If you find it hard to tell them, arrange for a medical professional to have a consultation with a few of you. A death doula is also a great resource when you need to have conversations around death and dying. They know how to have the hard conversations.
I really hate hospitals. Can I die at home?
You can die at home. There are lots of support services available to help people through the dying process at home. It is definitely hard work for the people you love, but it is also a great privilege for them to be able to support someone to die at home. Often, when a person has died at home, cared for by their family, there is a strong sense of satisfaction that the family have “done right” by their loved one. It may not be right for your family, though. Make sure everyone understands that a home death is physically and emotionally challenging, so they can prepare as best they can.
I don’t want to die at home. Is it ok to go to hospital?
Yes. You, the person doing the dying, get to choose whether you die at home or in hospital. If your family and friends know what your preferences are, they can do the right thing for you when you are no longer able to speak. And in the meantime, everyone will be less stressed, because you HAVE A PLAN.
About Amanda Collins.
Maybe, like me, you have been faced with the death of someone close and haven’t known what to do or say about it. Maybe someone you love is going through this.
I want to make talking about, and planning for death as straightforward as possible.